I received my first quarter evaluation from my administration today. I’m so thankful to have honest and supportive administration backing me at my school–they’re pushing me to make me better and provide extremely valuable resources. All the same, though, as I walked into my evaluation I knew I could do better.
Of COURSE I can do better. I’ve been at this for 8 weeks. I know my weaknesses. I struggle following through with consequences and I’m having problems breaking down material for students–I studied math, but I’ve never taught it to someone who didn’t understand. i’m not realizing the vision I had for my students. Yet.
Sometimes I feel stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. I expect such big things of myself–my students don’t have time for me to figure out how to be a better teacher. At the same time, I want someone to pat me on the back for working harder than I’ve ever worked. For occasionally getting SOMETHING right in my classroom. But in this end game, my students don’t succeed because I “tried my best”. Their education can’t be put on hold until I figure out HOW to educate them. Their clocks are ticking. They succeed if I’ve done my job well.
So, I’ll keep trying. I’ll identify my weaknesses and game plan to fix them. I will plan better lessons, hold my students to the highest expectations, and find a way to achieve better results. I’ll keep demanding more and not relent until I have found a way to open pathways for them. I just hope that I can do it before time runs out.